Some days I don’t even know what to think anymore. In a bit of irony, one of the people who have hurt me the most shared with me how he is trying to inspire his community to “believe”. He even had wristbands made that say, “Anything is possible if you believe.” He mailed me a handful of them.
Really? This man, who devastated the lives of everyone that he cared for and cared for him, is on a “anything is possible if you believe” campaign? Believe in what?
I get that whole wave of emotions just thinking of it. All that anger, betrayal, hurt, rage, aggression and defensiveness come flying back in my heart. Lets be honest, what sort of d-bag abuses a girl who he is supposed to be nurturing, investing in and caring for? But I can’t say that I am any better. I have hurt people. I have made poor choices. I have murdered in my heart. I have done it all. I am far from anything perfect. So screw the façade.
Wow. That wasn’t the point.
Here is the point. If I am really trying to be a sort of person who seeks healing, growth and redemption, then I must be that way with him too.
I don’t want forgiveness to be something that I can hold over someone’s head if only they act like I want them to. Forgiveness must be an extension of who I am. If I am truly seeking to be loving, wise, free and good, then that must be what informs how I act… even with the worst of life.
Here is the point. I don’t just want to chase the pain around life, picking up its pieces as I go. I want to have the courage to believe that those who cause the hurt can have hope too.
Its funny that he sent me a wristband that says, “Anything is possible of you believe.” He is talking about his stupid basketball team. I wear it as a reminder to love the victim and the perpetrator. The abuser and the one abused both need someone to go with them into the depth of their pain.
Maybe I am blind. Maybe I can see. But, for once, I feel like I am honestly pursuing something more than appearances.