I just don’t know anymore. Some of you have asked why I haven’t written anything in a while. It’s because I don’t care. What difference does it make if it write? I just don’t know anymore.
See the thing is that I am in this weird place where I have that same answer anytime I ask that question. I just don’t care about anything anymore. I can’t even make myself when I know I need to. I am good at pretending like I care… but the sad truth is that I just don’t.
I have no answers. I really don’t know why I am like this.
Except for my awesome relationship with my wonderfully redeeming wife, I feel like I have no bright spots in my life. She is too good for me and I cannot express how much I guard my relationship with her.
Example. Here is my dialogue with a friend the other day…
Friend: “How long have you felt this way?”
Andy: “A month or two.”
Friend: “What was the last thing you cared about?”
Andy: “I don’t know. I don’t care.”
Friend: “Who was the last person who has hurt you?”
Andy: “Not sure. Probably everyone. It’s all one big mess anyway.”
I know I am not right. But I don’t know what to do about it.
The worst part is that I feel very alone and misunderstood in this.
What can you do to help? Care. Ask. Track me down.
Or don’t. I don’t really expect it anyway.
But maybe, just maybe, there could be someone in my life who would be willing to prove me wrong.
Even though I have little faith in humanity, I still have faith in God. I know He will teach me, guide me and refine me.
I am His. He will save me.