These mini-funks that I sometimes find my in can be a real treat. The real frustration is that I don’t really have reason.
See I think the real thing is that I have been on this journey to explore how much I need God. I have been learning several things:
1) We have all heard the phrase that when we pray for patience, God gives us an opportunity to be patient. I think in the same way, when I prayed to know how much I need God, He has shown me my limitations.
2) The truth is that I can do absolutely nothing without God. Being humbled is one of those things filled with mixed feelings. If God is the one humbling me, then I need to trust it is for my own good. I desperately need God.
3) In a cool/painful way, I have also been shown that my own need for God is the same as every single other person in this world. But as I journey into deep pain with the people in my life, it is becoming my passion to see everyone identify their need for God. We all desperately need God. More than anything.
4) The combination of all of these things has left me a broken person. I want to be in His presence all of the time. The times I have wasted away as I watch my favorite TV shows could have been spend with Him. He makes Himself so available and, yet, we simply don’t care enough to reciprocate. I need Him so badly, I feel like I can do nothing without Him. But that also tempts me to feel like I can do nothing.
See the thing is that we spend so much of our lives needing. And, most of the time, we don’t know it. We need God. And, for a variety of reasons, we don’t often feel Him. So we get caught up in this place where we feel like He isn’t there. Or He is eluding us. Or, worse yet, He doesn’t really care.
So my prayer tonight is going to be Psalm 13.
How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
So I will trust in His salvation and His unfailing love.
And I don’t know where that will take me.
But where He is, there I shall be also.
I am Yours, save me.
“Fallen man is not simply an imperfect creature who needs improvement: he is a rebel who must lay down his arms”- CSL